Tips for Writing Noobs
by BlackWolf2Dragoon
Summary: In regards to the state of Fanfiction, Arthur Kirkland has decided to hold a lesson to give a helping hand to those writing noobs who just can't get their story noticed or is just generally bad at writing. Drabbles, romanceless, accepting requests!
1. Lesson 1 Introduction

Hello, me again! So, things are still pretty bad on fanfiction. Not "OMG APOCALYPSE" bad, but some stories are appalling, really. Some just aren't even TRYING anymore. There are some that are trying but just can't get to grips to make their story good. SO, to try to help out, I'm going to try to write a series of lessons for writing noobs, basically those people out there posting stories and just not finding they're getting the attention they deserve, or those that are just generally BAD at writing.

I will try my best! I will probably post fairly late when it comes to about the end of September as I will start my University placement and shall be working and partying and LIVING. I'm actually taking a Creative Writing course, so I will be able to get better advice and, hopefully, be able to explain better to you about how to solve some problems. Call this like a show where you just call about your problem and they give you advice, that sort of thing.

I'm not the nicest of people, as you can probably tell. The eerie voice in the background there? That's probably me. Yeah, a freak, aren't I? :D that's ok, because I don't care xD

I hope this helps and please, don't be hesitant to drop off a review with any thoughts/questions!

Also don't hesitate to let me know there's a typo anywhere. I have a horrible habit of doing that, just FYI. Spellchecker does not have sense and therefore doesn't pick up all of them and I write pretty fast in excitement.

**EDIT (23/10/2011): Alright, regarding reviews; many have told me that they're appalled that I've put Twilight into this fic. I assumed I had written Twilight as a successful book, and this is not a lie, Twilight IS a successful book, it does what it's meant to despite it's lack of logic, doesn't mean it's a good book. There's a difference, remember! I assumed I put down that Twilight is a good book (it isn't really, I've read them all and if you're having a cba day, it's an alright read) but I can't find it. I've checked, double checked and searched. NOTHING COMING UP GUYS. Inform me if I have done something like this and I will correct it, if so!**

**Another regarding the concern about the 'voice' in here. The 'narrator' but not, I guess you could say. My usual writing is sometimes sadistic and, yes, this will show in my writing and it's going to be very hard to fix this. I will try my best, but keep note that it's only ME that's doing this. Nobody else, I'm by myself, a lone soldier. I may get tips from my friends who are also doing the same course as me in university, but otherwise I'm the only one writing this. Keep in mind that I'm doing this FOR FREE. Yes, FREE. I will try to reference from books and my lecturers if I deem it useful and I may have a private chat with my personal tutor if I really need some help with writing tips down (you can give a hand too, if you'd like and are confident enough! I'd love it!) but otherwise I'm doing this for free and expect nothing in return except a better fanfiction world. Just hope this work pays off. **

**Oh yes, better give BlackGhettoGurl a round of applause for killing my writing spirit and soul. Another My Immortal been done. If you're wondering why I might seem a bit OH MY GOD in the next few updates (maybe) it's her fault. Want to know why? Try finding the story with the i.d. of: 7456326 Be Warned. Your soul might not survive. **

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><p><span>Lesson #1; Introduction<span>

Instead of chilling out and laughing in glee at writing a story that will make you popular, you find yourself behind a desk, sitting on a chair, with a notebook on the table and a pen in your hand. Why did this happen, you might ask? You were about to write a story that would be the making of greatness! A story copied from another that will get attention because the other did, why shouldn't this be the same?

"Right, you incompetent lot!" A voice startles you from your thoughts. Looking up, you see a man dressed in a military outfit with a riding whip in hand and black gloves. A military man that rode horses? That was a new feat. Looking around, you notice you're not the only one in the room, but most were girls. This was definitely a classroom, but you could see nothing but the sky outside the window when you try to look, bright blue skies with a few clouds, but not the sun. The door seemed to show a corridor, but there were no sounds of anyone outside and there weren't lights on out in the corridor, but with it being about midday, there was no need for lights to be on.

You turn back to the military man and try to get a word out on what the Christ was going on, but the man continues speaking quickly with the words being spat out, impossible to ignore; "You are here today because I've recently been spying around on Fanfiction and have discovered that your efforts on writing a story are absolutely abysmal!" He smacked the whip on the table, startling everyone in the room. "I will not tolerate having my language being desecrated any longer! On behalf of the many people of Fanfiction who pride grammar like a delicate jewel, I shall train you in the ways of writing a good and, at least, acceptable story!"

You're so shocked to be hearing about this, about somebody actually taking language to this extreme. I mean, language was just a language, wasn't it? What harm could it do to mess up a few times and not heed others' words a few times? It didn't matter, right?

The military man, apparently teacher and a very scary one at that, slammed the riding whip on the table, snapping everyone out of their inner turmoil and brooding. This was quite frightening, having no idea why you're really here and to learn you're not the only one makes you wonder. Was this a secret organization? It seemed ludicrous, being in the real world, but what else could it have been? A gang, maybe? A gang of grammar nazi's intent on making the world perfect? That seemed very unlikely. But what if it was?

"Now then! T'is true, not a single story is perfect. Perfection is just that impossibility that nobody can reach, but what everyone strives to find. That's not the case here, the case is and the point of this all is that your stories are just simply not even reaching average, bearable levels. Basically meaning; they are unbearable. A few spelling mistakes are fine, people can correct you and you can change it if there are just a few mistakes. It's when it gets to unreasonable levels that people start complaining and try to leave." The teacher turned around to face the whole class, you included. He stares at each and every one of you, never looking at a person longer than the other, measuring the length of time he stares at almost equally, so much so that it's frightening. He sighs, as if bothered about something.

"My name is Arthur Kirkland, your teacher for the next few months on trying to get you to improve on your writing skills to, at least, write something that is bearable to look at. As an added note, you shall call me Mr Kirkland, nothing more, nothing less." After taking out a piece of chalk from the drawer of his desk, Mr Kirkland turned to the chalk board (teachers still used those?) and began writing, the chalk making an unforgiving screech as it was dragged across the brutal surface, a mark of white being dragged in many directions to form letters, letters that made words and words that made sentences. Written down, once done and after you had recovered from the unexpected white noise, needed to create the white letters, was the name "Mr Arthur Kirkland", then just below that was the word "Introduction.". What were you doing, again? Do you even remember?

"Now, an introduction is needed at hand! You don't seem to understand how important language is. Not just good language, but language overall. Most take language for granted, they have a voice, they can use it and you use it all the time. I ask this now, where would you be without language? Where would you be if we couldn't talk, had no language to communicate with?"

You reason with yourself, you always have sign language, don't you? People that can't speak, mutes and deaf people, use them. You could surely learn if you put your mind to it, if you had no other choice.

Mr Kirkland seems to snort. You look back up, wondering what he was thinking. It could've been anything; he looked like the type to go wild, if he was left alone to do so. That's another thing; Arthur Kirkland is, so far, the only one that seems to be here. Were there other teachers? Other people who had been abducted in the night and forced into this pathetic schooling of grammar and spelling?

You aren't left alone to wonder much longer, as Kirkland slams his riding whip on the table, once again. It's a miracle, you exclaim in your head, that the table had survived that long if it had been abused that long with that riding whip built for horses.

"Here's the thing, sign language is developed from the letters of the English language. Without the English language, there is no sign language. Each sign language is different, depending on whether they spell out a word, letter by letter, or if they do the imagery of the word. Either one requires the use of the English language to help them. Or even a language at all, depending on their language. If language didn't exist, how would we communicate?"

That was true and a good question. If language hadn't existed, how would you be able to ask for things. If you wanted a puppy, how would you ask for it? What about your favourite food, how could you ask without a language? You hear that even the most primal of humans that live today have some form of language, so not even the most wild of humans could survive without language, because they need it. How could you survive, what would it be like?

Hell, probably.

"Now, animals have many unique different ways of communicating, it could always be possible that we develop that language from animals. But how would that fit for us, the top of the food chain? The masters of the planet, how would you feel if you had to communicate the same way as a dog would, with mere movements of the ears, tail and legs?" You don't like the sound of that, do you? Would you like communicating the same way as a dog, not sure that they are going to notice your signals or what you're trying to tell them? Not efficient, really, is it?

"That's why we should appreciate the language we are given! We should treat it with respect! It doesn't matter if you make a few mistakes, a couple in a chapter are fine so long as you correct it later, but if there are constant mistakes being made and they are the same ones and simple, easy ones. Imagine now, you try to imagine a TV soap drama show, like Eastenders or Coronation Street, or whatever you people watch these days. Imagine that this woman in the show keeps doing the same mistake, say, for example, a woman keeps going back to the man that is going to hurt her feelings over and over, yet because love is blind, she keeps going back to him, even though she's clearly being used." That frustrates you, doesn't it? You see it happening loads, the same thing happening again and again and it keeps happening and it's obvious it's there.

"That's what it's like to people who appreciate spelling and grammar. They see it happen time and time again. Maybe different authors do it, but it still happens nonetheless. Eastenders isn't written by one person, now is it? What makes that the same mistakes being made by many of the authors of Fanfiction make any difference whatsoever? Because you're not famous? Does being famous mean that you get a comfier, more private life? In a way, yes, but on the internet, there are no famous people, you're all the same and out in the publishing world, being famous doesn't make a sodding difference." You can clearly see that Kirkland had put much thought behind his words, because you can't even come up with a reasonable response to fight back with. Yes, indeed, what did give you the right to bitch about how others had told you that your work was rubbish, cliché and, being honest, bland?

You remember that review? That review was blunt, but honest. What if that was how the person taught? The person was helpful; at least, they gave tips on how to get better and told you how you got it wrong. That's being helpful, wasn't it? I wonder if you feel bad for shouting back at the person, telling them to fuck off because they were brutally honest. Do you? Do you, really? He or she was just trying to help in the way they knew. They had seen the same mistakes over and over, did it really make a difference to them who it actually was, because they've been trying to spread advice all around and got pissed off halfway through and became snappy? The answer was no, it didn't. If your story wasn't good enough, the people would let you know that, and that person did. She probably did the most courageous thing, telling you that she didn't agree with your story instead of the simple review of "that was good!" What great use could you have of a simple message of "that was good!" really?

"Now," Mr Kirkland began again, having left that note on and the silence seemed to drag on as nobody could protest against his reasoning. "I will make it my duty to help you improve by giving you writers a few tips on what to do and what not to do, how to help write better, make more efficient time with your writing time and how to make your story stand out!" Mr Kirkland sat down and grinned, waiting for the hands and shouts and replies to come forth. "Now, come tell me your troubles you spot, the troubles you seek some assistance with, and I will try to be of help, to the best of my abilities."

He lets you ponder on that, before you raise your hand, a question buzzing behind your head like an infesting and annoying wasp.

Mr Kirkland points in your direction; "Yes, you? What is your question?"

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><p>NOW. What will be the first topic? ;D it can be from a grammar nazi too, if you see the same mistake happening over and over again, you want me to post about how to avoid doing this? I will do it! You want some hand on characterization? I can try my best! Any story problem you are having, you are free to ask in a review and I will try my best to let Mr Kirkland here answer your questions!<p>

Go on, don't be shy and I will try my best to be of the best assistance that I can be ;D to the best of my abilities, of course!

~Blackie


	2. Lesson 2 Purpose of Commas

So, this got very well recieved, I see! That's good, glad to know that my work and teaching and notes and all that actually caught some attention. I have replied to most people in reviews, those that I haven't, please send me a pm to tell me! I check some of my emails on my iPod and I can't ever be bothered to type a three thousand character long message on an iPod. Autocorrect is horrible on that thing.

AnYtHiNgBuTtYpIcAl asked in a review about commas, so I have decided to write a chapter to help others if they have trouble understanding what commas are about and what the point of them are.

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><p><span>Lesson #2; Purpose of Commas<span>

"I have a problem with commas. I'm not quite sure what the point of them is, or why or when to use them."

You watch as a grin arises from Mr Kirkland's face. Taking the chalk again, Kirkland writes a few sentences down. As he was doing this, he was talking and explaining; "Commas are very essential when writing a story. They are used for when you take a breath, otherwise if a person was reading a sentence aloud, they would most likely die from loss of air, or at least go very blue in the face."

Well, that makes sense to you, doesn't it?

Kirkland finally pulls himself from the board with a number of written sentences. He takes the whip and points it to the sentence; 'What is it, Alfred?'

"Now, commas in speech are usually used when addressing somebody. Such as this sentence, where I've written down that I'm talking to Alfred, not about Alfred, I have a comma before his name, because I'm adding an extra note. That is what commas are mainly for, when you're adding another note and keeping the sentence going because it's still connected somehow. It's more effective than using 'and' all the time, isn't it?"

"I also used it again there, did you hear?" You can, just about, so you nod. Kirkland doesn't seem convinced, since your nod was hesitant. "I'm not so sure you did. Well, let me try again for you." Kirkland began writing another sentence down; 'It's a lovely day outside, isn't it?' Kirkland put the chalk down and snapped the whip on the board to further point the rather obvious sentence. At least, it seemed obvious to you, at any rate.

"Now, this is the most common use of a comma. When you're talking to someone, you often ask a question after a statement, such as this. Or maybe you ask 'isn't that right?' It's the same. You must always put a comma there, as it's an added thing and not completely part of the sentence. It'd sound rather strange if you said the whole thing without taking a breath, now wouldn't it?" You nod, because it did. Imagining a person coming up to you and saying "It's a lovely day outside isn't it?" really quickly without a breath before 'isn't it' sounded stupid.

Mr Kirkland noticed most of the nods and smiled, happy with the result. "Now, you have to remember that a long sentence with a lot of commas isn't necessarily wrong, but it does have to have a certain rhythm and mood. For example, if you were to look in the mind of a madman, there might not even be commas used because those thoughts are moving so fast you can't understand most of what is being said. That makes sense. Now take the mind of a frightened person, now a frightened person can still make sense, but it'll still be at a fast pace and a bit difficult to keep track, but not impossible. A lot of commas can be used when listening to the mind of a frightened or excited person, because they're taking little breaths in the middle of speaking. Sometimes, a frightened person's thoughts might take a while to process, or if they are stunned, either pauses, which are the three full stops together, or just full stops in places let you know that their thoughts are taking a while to gather, or their speech isn't that good and has to keep pausing or taking a big breath each time they speak" (Darth Vadar from Star Wars and Harkat Mulds from Saga of Darren Shan are good examples.)

"This is the basic nutshell; a full stop means a big breath, you actually stop for a second or two to take a breath and start a new sentence about something different, a comma is used for short breaths, a second or less, and you continue onward with the sentence or about something related, at any rate, and finally a sentence with no full stops or commas means that you're speaking very quickly and not taking a breath whilst reading this out aloud. Does that make any better sense?" The whole class seems to nod, so you think, as Kirkland smiles and nods back. "Excellent. I hope that helps to make your story seem even a bit better. Who else wants to ask a question?"

A random stranger that you've never seen before, you don't even know whether it's a boy or a girl, but by the voice it sounded like a girl, raised her hand; "I've got a question, Mr Kirkland, please?"

Mr Kirkland pointed the whip towards the girl; "Yes, what is it you ask?"

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><p>Coming next is something more specific to Hetalia, but also can be important in other fandoms, just mostly in Hetalia. The Importance of Historically Accurate Stories.<p>

After that will hopefully be tips on characterisation and possibly with it, "Why Mary Sues are big no-no's." Along with pros and cons of OCs. This'll take a while and I might hide in a cave or something to research it and try to give the best I can on this subject, since it's a bit touchy.

Leave a review if you've any questions. How about let's start with a "Dear Mr Kirkland,"? :P because HoshiUta did and it sounded amazing. LOL C'mon dudes, ask Mr Kirkland anything you desire and he shall answer to the best of his abilities. I promise he won't whip you (much) :D

~Blackie


	3. Lesson 3 Importance of History

Here we are! Quick update since it was in my head.

Girl with the amethyst eyes wanted me to stress the importance of historically accurate stories. Now simple mistakes don't really matter, such as one I had where a phone hadn't existed in the 1700s or whatever year it was. But it made little difference to the story whether Arthur was calling from a phone or writing a letter for a pidgeon to send, the result would've been the same. What she wants is the big things where history is altered badly. I hope this satisfies you!

Update! I've finally made a Twitter dedicated to my writing, so if you're wondering why I'm taking so long to update and want to know the status of my stories, follow me on Twitter and you can ask some questions there too! (PLEASE don't ask Mr Kirkland for questions on my Twitter because I can't reply a decent answer for you there. Ask them in a review or PM me if you're really shy.) Tweet me BlahstarBlackie

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><p><span>Lesson #3; The Importance of Historically Accurate Stories<span>

"I'm not good at history, but does it really matter in a fanfic if history is incorrect at times?"

Mr Kirkland wasn't really happy about that question and slammed his whip down on the table. "What kind of idiotic question is that? Of _course _it matters! Much of what is written is taken from history and some people choose to alter it. Those that do should really put a warning, the warning commonly noted on fanfiction as AH, standing mostly for Alternate History. It can also mean All Human if you're on a certain fandom that calls for it, Twilight, for example."

Kirkland went and sat his buttocks down on the table, he was too short for his feet to touch the ground properly whilst sitting on the table, but that hardly mattered. You knew the saying, don't lie. _Small but deadly. _

Kirkland put his whip to the side and took out a history book. "October 1929, Wall Street Crash. Surely you've done research on this. The first big financial crisis that affected the world. Badly affected areas were largely factories and the business markets, but rural areas were mostly unaffected. Lead to a twelve year Great Depression which then hence affected Britain's performance when Hitler then came into power in Germany around 1934. We created something called The Appeasement, which basically meant we agreed to deals with Nazi Germany to keep them happy, hence the term 'appease'. But eventually Germany broke out at war anyway, though we had delayed them, but possibly gave them more power as well, letting them take parts of Czechoslovakia and allying with Austria, which was against the terms of the Treaty of Versailles."

Mr Kirkland closed the huge history book and placed it beside him; "So you see, you shouldn't take history lightly or change things without a thought. If you'd seen or bothered to watch much Doctor Who, you'd know that if history changes then a lot gets changed, not a bare few things. If Wall Street Crash never happened, maybe Germany wouldn't have felt so inclined to start a war, so think carefully before you try to alter history."

The pupil spoke up again; "But what if we wanted to change a few things, like, say, the weapons MI6 used during the Second World War."

Kirkland smiled; "Depends what kind of weapons you mean. It also depends on whether what gender you're using, as British spies were more often female. It's true! There were such weapons as a single bullet firing lipstick, lethal every time. I don't think it's wise to change things like that, many spies had to depend on them to survive and it's always easier to just stick to facts and do your research. Research is important and you have to do it if you're writing a story about something you're not sure about."

"Here's an example, a lot take the Battle for Independence between America and the British Empire because they're more familiar with that and that's about the only big interesting thing that happened in America concerning wars, although the American Civil War could be something too, if you're American yourself. If you're European, say French, British, German etc. you might take the First or Second World War, although noted as World War, it did mostly concern Europe though Japan and Russia got largely involved too in a way. I have to say that America did pretty much end the War on both accounts, the Second especially though they were _very _late."

Kirkland picked his whip back up and stood up, his hands holding each other behind his back and the whip lying flat up his back, tapping his back out of a habit or a need to move; "Now, changing history has dire consequences, you probably figured. Simply changing it to your will to centre the entirety of the world on the character and how you like probably isn't a very smart thing to do." Kirkland continued talking whilst he was walking around the class, the rest of the class taking notes as you should be doing. You try your hardest to continue listening to what he is currently speaking about. "It could actually be viewed as arrogant and may even be listed as a Mary Sue type thing, which we will cover later. Making your own history is not advisable, it doesn't work the same as making a new future, making your own future because we can't prove that it's impossible, anything is possible for the future, but to change the history is definitely not advisable, as so many different things could go wrong. Do your research, remember. Wikipedia, emailing companies, talking to a very educated friend, ask a teacher, professor, anything but at least _try."_

"I also want to point out that trying to write me in your stories is especially important that you do research. Especially if you're an ignorant American that doesn't even realise we drive on the other side of the road!" Kirkland stomped back to his desk and sat down, almost appearing to sulk. You frown; you didn't think Kirkland was really the type to sulk, no matter the circumstances. Turns out you were wrong. "But I'll get to that later. Now I'll try to explain about Mary Sues, OCs and the pros and cons about them, so be ready to write a lot."

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><p>NEXT; Pros and cons of Mary Sues, Gary Stus and OCs.<p>

Not sure what's coming after that, probably characterization.

Review and ask Mr Kirkland a question! He shall answer ;D  
>~Blackie<p> 


	4. Lesson 4 Pros and Cons of OCs

Fanfiction, PLEASE sort out that line break and stop it deleting my titles, pretty please? It's very annoying to have to write it all out again. ;.;

Wow late update is late. I'm in University guys, things ARE going to be late no matter what I do, I'm afraid. :c sorry.

I wanted to get this one out of the way. Just to note down, in bold too:

**A LOT OF THIS LESSON IS OPINION BASED. DON'T TAKE THIS AS PURE FACTS. NOT EVERYBODY WILL HAVE THE SAME OPINION, BUT THIS IS THE OPINION OF MANY WRITERS AND READERS I'VE TALKED TO ABOUT THIS ISSUE SO TAKE THIS INTO CONSIDERATION WHEN WRITING A STORY. PLEASE DON'T SEND ANGRY REVIEWS AT ME TELLING ME I'M WRONG. I'M NOT WRONG, I'VE JUST A DIFFERENT OPINION. HISTORY TEACHER TOLD ME THIS, OPINIONS ARE NEVER WRONG. **

Just to clarify. Enjoy and hope this helps out!

**EDIT (24/10/2011): Dear anonymous reviewers; I cannot reply to you, so please sign in if you're asking a question because I cannot reply. Common sense should let you know. I will try to start answering anonymous reviews here, but that's a hassle for me, you see. **

**Oh, and the whole abbreviation thing? Yeah, I don't think we do that in Britain. I've never been told to otherwise, they're never like that in letters we recieve and I've never been penalised for it**. **I've done it before but only in very formal letters, this is not formal at all, so a fullstop isn't needed, NOT IN BRITAIN. Oh and yes, it's called a fullstop here, a period is the girls' time of the month where you bleed, so DO PLEASE be careful if you use that near Mr Kirkland, he gets embarassed very easily, you see!**

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><p><span>Lesson #4 Pros and Cons of OCs<span>

"Some of these might be opinion based." Mr Kirkland tells you, as a group. "Some people might actually like to read Mary Sues, and whilst it's fun and easy to write them, they are definitely not recommended. I suppose you want to know why?"

You check behind you first to see if anybody else makes a response. When they respond with a yes, you turn around to nod also, showing your answer. It felt awkward to be the only one to answer, or make some form of reply, especially with the likes of Kirkland there.

Mr Kirkland smiled; "Very well." He stood up, picking up his crop and smacking it lightly against the blackboard. "Mary Sues have this bad reputation, good or old fanfiction readers or writers take one look at the word 'Mary Sue' and they turn away right away without looking further. The reason behind this is that a Mary Sue is often portrayed in a way of perfection. There are no faults in the most common Mary Sues. That's infuriating for most people, as they should still be human and make mistakes, perhaps even obvious ones, but Mary Sues rarely do. The worst kinds are the ones that save the main character/characters. This is the direct opposite of what many call 'Damsel in Distress', wherein a, most often than not, female character is captured multiple times and requires the help of another to escape. Take Princess Peach from Mario for example or Zelda from Legend of Zelda. Very popular games that require you to save the land/save the princess, cliché story but very effective in gaming. Not so much in reading."

"For writing stories, you have to try to write something unique. Mary Sues are not unique in any way and are often predictable. The best stories are usually the unpredictable ones, because then the reader is taken by surprise and caught off guard, that's what they want. They want to see something clever, something different, reading the same thing is very, very boring." Mr Kirkland sighed, as if bored with his own speech. You weren't sure if he was just emphasising how truly boring it was to read the same type of books over and over or if he really was bothered about teaching you. It didn't seem likely that he was bored of you as a group, so you took it as emphasis to be safe.

"Just to clarify, Gary Stus are the same thing as Mary Sues, only male. That's the only difference there is." Mr Kirkland lowered his crop to the table and brought up a cup of tea. You hadn't noticed he'd made that, but then again you were busy taking notes. Teachers were always like secret ninjas, lurking up and jumping and doing things without you noticing.

"Now," Mr Kirkland picked the crop back up; "an OC, as you can imagine, stands for 'Original Character'. An Original Character is basically a character that the author has made up and has no relation to the fandom the fanfiction is based on at all, so therefore it technically belongs to that author. Most, if not all, OCs have no copyright law protection, so you could easily take that OC and use it, if you really wanted. Problem being is that ones that you would bother to take are usually very popular and you would get caught and hated for it. Stealing OCs is not advisable, by any means." You swear you could hear Mr Kirkland say under his breath: "Not sure why you'd want to." You stay quiet about it, however; no sense of making a tidal wave over a small puddle.

"OCs can be frowned upon; it depends on how you use them and under what fandom. Take Fullmetal Alchemist, for example. There is no need for a huge amount of OCs with all the given characters there are under that fandom, but a few smaller ones are fine, they don't even need to be named if they're not important at all e.g. a waiter at a restaurant. Having an OC being the main character is just not needed; it doesn't feel like a fanfiction if that's the case for a fandom like Fullmetal Alchemist that has about twenty characters to choose from. Same goes for Hetalia, they have a large number of characters, a stupidly high amount, there is _no need _for big OCs like that. Perhaps a son or a daughter, fair enough, but otherwise, there is no need at all."

"However," Mr Kirkland continues, as you keep writing down notes like most others in the class. It's different and difficult trying to take down notes you think is important whilst the teacher was speaking as fast as he was. It might've been normal speech speed, but when writing it, it was a whole different story. Nobody felt like asking him to slow down, however. Not with that crop he probably wouldn't use, but surely could if he wanted to. "If you're taking a fandom such as Prototype, where there is only a maximum of about six characters, then having an OC as a main character is not so terrible, because there is a lack of them, so many OCs in a fandom with few characters is common. A fandom like Prototype doesn't really have a solid storyline, so many things can be done with it and you could get away with it, provided no Mary Sues are added."

"Other problems with OCs are often that OCs aren't developed very well, so we see the character doing things, but we don't know the character as a person. The character just doesn't shine and show his/her true colours to us, we don't know their personality and we can't put a good opinion on them because of that. It makes the character seem stale, a space you just fill in because you feel like it almost and, worst of all, boring. An OC has to have character, a true personality, so we can like or hate it. It's probably better to have the protagonist liked and the antagonist hated, but different people might like different things."

"The key thing is: remember that people may not be interested in your fantasy. If it's something you purely love and purely around you, then write it by all means, but keep it to yourself. Not everybody likes reading stuff about you or revolved around you. Self Inserts are not recommended in any shape or form. They are almost worse than Mary Sues, for obvious reasons. You often can't find a fault inside you, so writing you down makes you seem very arrogant and snobby, to put it simply. Hence, Self Inserts are a big no-no." Mr Kirkland smiles again, putting the crop down for another sip of tea. "The same goes for Mary Sues, most are seen as arrogant or show offs and hardly anybody likes those, so try to avoid them if possible."

Mr Kirkland picked up a piece of chalk and began writing on the board '_Pros and Cons of OCs'_. You copy them down anyway, since he hasn't told you to not do so. You look up every few seconds, finding it hard to remember what he's written and the scratches of writing with chalk distract your brain from remembering that much before it needs a reminder, knowing that Mr Kirkland had written more. He drew a table of sorts, like weighing the pros and cons to show what's better and what's not.

Mr Kirkland turns back to the class, still holding that same chalk as a sign that he will be writing more later. "Now, who can tell me a pro for writing an OC, what's good about OCs?" He waited until a hand came up, before he pointed to a person near the back. "Yes?"

You turn to look around to see the person, mostly to hear them better; "OCs are easier to write for us because you can make up their own personality."

Mr Kirkland smiles and writes the point down on the table, silently encouraging the rest of the class to follow suit. "That's correct! OCs don't have a set personality already, so you can make one up entirely, so it doesn't require that much research and is simpler to do. Another?"

Another hand went up to give their point; "OCs are your work, so it might make you feel more accomplished?"

Mr Kirkland noticed it was a question, but didn't comment on it. Instead, he continued; "That's true, some might feel that way, but the readers might not see it that way. Many might see an OC as a lazy way out; that they weren't clever enough to use the characters given to you to make something up then. It's more challenging to write a character and keep them in character than it is to make one up entirely." The teacher had a point there; you had to see things in different perspectives to get a full good and confident story. It was no good just working on your own opinions, you needed to hear other peoples' opinions also.

"There are many cons for OCs, that's being one of them that you show lack of creativity, because it's a lot more difficult to take any character in the fandom and use it then than it is to make an entirely new character up from your head. Another is that because you're making an OC to just fill in a space, there is a chance that the character won't be given a proper, or even a good or steady personality, so people are probably not going to like your OC or find the point in it. That's the most common problem, even if you use an OC, you have to give it a proper personality that we can see and let us know the basics of what your character looks like, we don't need pages on detail, just the basics would do and we can figure it out from there. Well, most of us, anyway."

"Others don't like OCs because they didn't come to read that. People come to fanfiction to read about a fandom, not to read about a character you made up. For your own stories, you should visit FictionPress, the sister website for Fanfiction rather than posting it here. If they wanted to read about own stories, they'd go there, not fanfiction. That's my opinion, though that might not how everybody else views it, just to clarify. If you write that down, make a note that that's opinion based and my opinion only, not a fact. Much of these aren't necessarily facts, because it's all down to opinion, but this is based on, hopefully, the majority of peoples' opinions." Mr Kirkland writes all the cons down, making sure to write 'opinions' at the top, to make sure that you don't use it as true facts and have been told that it's opinion based and not factual.

Mr Kirkland turns back to the class, putting his chalk down and picking up his crop again. "Any questions on that?" No hands were raised; the teacher seemed pleased about that, whether it was because everyone seemed to understand or that he didn't have to answer an infuriating question, you weren't sure either.

"Good, what's the next question that someone needs answering concerning writing?" Mr Kirkland waited for a few moments, before pointing to a person who had her hand up. "You there, what's your question?"

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><p>It's longer than usual, I know. I hope that helps some guys out, just to let you know why using OCs and Mary Sues are usually a bad idea or good idea xD<p>

Coming next is either going to be how to make a good summary or info on semi-colons. Take your pick and let me know! ;D

~Blackie


	5. Lesson 5 Semi Colon Grammar Hell

**LONG A/N IS LONG.**

Firstly, CAN ANYBODY DRAW VERY WELL? IF YOU CAN, MR KIRKLAND ASKS IF YOU CAN DRAW A SEXY PICTURE OF HIMSELF POINTING TO A BLACKBOARD WITH HIS CROP WITH THE WORDS "WRITING LESSONS" ON IT OR SOMETHING. He says it looks very unprofessional that something like this should go without having a proper cover for it and he's been yelling at me for not being able to draw. What do you expect, I'm a writer, not an artist!

Secondly, oh my God did you see the Opening Olympics Ceremony? A GIANT BLOW UP VOLDEMORT AND MR BEAN PLAYING THE PIANO. MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE, FUCK EVERYTHING. I don't care what you say, that was AMAZING already! The Industrial Revolution piece as well, what is that song? I WANT IT. I WANT IT NOW.

Thirdly, sorry this took so long to get out. University and real life, you know? I got into the Avengers fandom after seeing the film. WATCH IT NOW or when it comes on dvd anyway, BUY IT. IT'S AMAZING.

Fourthly (really?), quite a lot of people have strong opinions on the last chapter about OCs. That's good! You should stick to your opinions but don't blow over other peoples' either! I'm glad you have such strong opinions! But my own still stands, I can understand how people might like OCs, but I myself don't really like them all that much and so I avoid them. CharacterxOC is also just the death of a story for me, I avoid it like the plague afterwards xD!

Fifthly, HELLO DISGUSTED. I'm a secret racist? Did you know that I don't care? I watch and write Hetalia, for fuck sakes, OF COURSE I'M RACIST. Racist to every single human being, that is. I hate people based on their personality, you know like you're meant to, I don't give a shit if you're African or Asian or gay or whatever. You're stupid and I hate you for that. Goodbye.

Sixthly (sithly, lawl) and final, MUST CONFESS. I used the internet A LOT for this. Because I'm terrible with semi colons. Therefore, this chapter is subject to change and you shuold look out just in case! I quoted a lot here because I just don't deal with semi colons that well either. Word complains to me a LOT (a lot in this chapter too, I mean wtf it can't tell the difference between it's and its. HELLFIRE.) about everything I do, so I just put a semi colon to shut it up usually. It works xD good enough for me. I ended up using . for most of the stuff here. Hope this is good enough and works well enough!

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><p><span>Lesson 5: Semi Colon<span>

The student lowered their hand and coughed to clear their throat to proper voice out their question; "I've always wondered, how do you use a semicolon? I don't quite understand what it is or how to use it."

Mr Kirkland, you saw, didn't seem so surprised by the question that was brought up and he didn't seem that comfortable about it either. He put down the crop and moved back to the chalk board, the white chalk ready and drawing the symbol ';'.

He then turns back to the whole class, "That there," he says, "is what we call a Semi Colon, probably the most evil thing you will find in the English grammar. Now, this is what an old tutor of mine told me once when I got different comments on the state of my grammar when I was in university. He told me 'grammar can be an opinionated thing, one person might prefer it said another way to another and say it's wrong.'(1)" He quoted as he wrote the quote down on the chalk board. Or at least, he was until the chalk started screeching horribly, making everyone wince including Kirkland himself. Scowling, he threw it away and turned to bring up a smaller white board and markers.

He continued writing the quote down for you all to copy before he continued, "Now, a semi colon only really has one use; that simple use is to connect two sentences together to make one under these conditions." He writes down the points as;

1. The two sentences are felt to be too closely related to be separated by a full stop;

2. There is no connecting word which would require a comma, such as _and_ or _but_;

3. The special conditions requiring a colon ':' are absent.

"Those conditions for a colon are usually of explaining a problem or elaboration to what you were talking about. Now, a semi colon can easily be replaced with a full stop if you so wish or a comma if you use the word and or but. Here's a good example." He turns back to the white board again, writing;

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

"Straight from Dickens. But you can also write it like so, if you so wished." He writes again;

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Or;

It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times.

"A semi colon doesn't need to be used that often, so I wouldn't stress too much about it. I must admit that I had to turn to a university's help for answering this when it came to it." Mr Kirkland admits, almost seeming embarrassed by this. "But I do love the ending, it sounds very me, don't you think? They say at the bottom of the article on a semi colon; 'In any case, don't get into the habit of using a semicolon (or anything else) merely to mark a breathing space. Your reader will be perfectly capable of doing his own breathing, providing your sentence is well punctuated; punctuation is an aid to understanding, not to respiration.'(2) I rather like that." He chuckles at his own little joke, but nobody else was quite sure how to react.

He coughs slightly before continuing; "Right, but yes I wouldn't worry too much about a semi colon and definitely don't get into the habit of using it a lot. People would rather a full stop if a sentence is getting too dangerously long than a semi colon to keep it going. It might've worked in the Shakespearian era, but it won't work now."

"Also," he continues, "if you want to learn more about semi colons or are still confused about it, then I'd recommend checking out semi colon on that google thing. Or just get an Oxford guide to semi colons or something, anything from Oxford and Cambridge can't possibly be wrong!"

Somehow, you have your doubts about that, even if they were the most successful universities, possibly in the world.

"Well, that's all I'm going to explain on semi colons for the time being, it gets too complicated later on (3). Now, who else has a question?"

* * *

><p>It's a bit rubbish, I agree. Hence, this chapter will most likely change and be edited. Probably a lot, so be aware of that and I'm sorry to bug you so much!<p>

If you believe I've done something wrong or that I'm being stupid and know nothing of what I'm talking about. Let me know! Please bring evidence as well if you try to prove me wrong. I'd like that. It's also 1am and I'm high on tea and OH MY GOD OLYMPICS CEREMONY WAS AMAZING that's probably to blame for any typos being in there. I write better whilst high on caffeine (that's terrible). I'm making excuses up now, aren't I?

Next will probably be on how to write a good summary. This might take some time because I'm DEFINITELY not the best fanfic writer. If you have very many reviews and believe that your summary is up to scratch to help Mr Kirkland in his lesson on writing a good summary, then give me a call! Send a PM with your summary to your story and we can discuss about it and see how we can bring it into the chapter and help others write great summaries and get the attention that their story deserves! c: Mr Kirkland will give you a hug if you do this! Despite how much he protests, HE WILL GIVE YOU A HUG. Or a kiss, if you're sexy.

Until next time! Mr Kirkland and Blackie OUT!

Footnotes:

(1) this was a direct quote from a lecturer of mine that was helping us out on the general stuff on HUSK. Which was a pile of shit, by the way. But I rather liked that quote and stole it from her, even if I forgot what her name was already. People asked about what to do with a semi colon, that was her answer really. Guess even university lecturers don't have a clue.

(2) this was taken from the site mentioned above. Just google semi colon, you'll find it easily ;D seems like something I would say too, Mr Kirkland! Even if I like to breathe in my narration.

(3) again, taken from the same site.


End file.
